la déception de quatorze soixante-neuf: état de deuil

Finally after more than a month the final exam results are out. I was very disappointed with my average and my ranking. I thought that I could do better. Although I did much better than when I was in IUT, I was really hoping that this semester would be the first where I would get an average beyond 15. And what made me more disappointed is the fact that there's only a 0,12 gap between me and the person ahead of me.

What's done is done. Today is the beginning of the rest of my life. I need to look at what lies ahead. And I'm not quite sure what I'm looking at. I mean, I still haven't found an internship yet, and I still don't have a clue what's going to happen after I've graduated. My heart says that I've spent too much time away and it's time to go back home, yet, my medula oblongata says that I should stay and further my studies in France until Masters, and Petronas says.... well, as always, they haven't said anything yet.

This week was hell for me as far as time management is concerned. And I blame it all on the local transport authority for taking the liberty of erasing my bus line off the map. I couldn't take the new bus line they proposed since it no longer stops in front of my university. Although the new stop is within a walking distance, the line is not as direct as it was before; it goes through some abandoned industrial area for no apparent reasons and that made my bus ride longer by fifteen minutes. Plus with the new bus schedule, it's either I arrive 30 minutes earlier for every class or 10 minutes late. The first solution that I had was to take the métro and then take a bus. But, it turns out that the bus that I was supposed to be taking is never on time. Which is why I have been missing a few classes this week. And finally I decided to walk from the métro station to my faculty which turns out to be much quicker than the bus ride. So I guess I have to thank the local transport authority for giving me the chance to get some exercise (of which I'm in dire need).

I want my Line 14B bus back!

I am so bloody pissed off with the local transport authority. Ho can they simply decide to scrap the bus line that I use everyday? Now I have to get out of the house 15 minutes earlier to take the métro and then take a bus to get to class. Better bus connections my foot.

I was quite proud of myself yesterday. I had to make a presentation for my Stratégie class. The lecturer is not someone who can be pleased very easily. He criticized every presentations before this. But all he said yesterday was 'Bravo, a very good presentation'. And he asked me for my Powerpoint slides! He even asked the class to write down their own thoughts on my presentation subject.

The only thing I hate about giving presentation in my class is that whenever I had to say something in English like 'Apple Computer Incorporated', I had to pronounce it with the French accent and go 'Appil Computegh Encoghpoghatid'. I just had to. Had I pronounce it the right way, they'll go like 'show off' or something like 'uuuuuuuu'. And another thing that I dislike is when someone asks me a question at the end, especially when it requires a certain degree of thinking before answering. For example yesterday someone asked 'In your opinion, how would Apple do in the future, knowing that by the looks of the electronics market today, the trend tends to be stagnant'. No way in hell I was prepared for such question. I tried my best by imitating politicians (by sounding like I'm answering the question, when I actually do not). To that question I answered 'Well, bla bla bla 2007 fourth semester revenue bla bla bla profits bla bla bla new product line ups bla bla innovation bla bla bla iPhone sales bla bla, so I think they will do well'. And I didn't have the slightest clue what I was talking about.

Good luck with the Sudoku

Bagai pelita kehabisan minyak, jatuh dilanggar nyamuk, ditindih lalat tidak dapat bangkit semula.

That was a peribahasa by Karam Singh Walia, and a few of my friends and I always made jokes about it. But today, it is exactly how I'm feeling. How ironic.

It seems that I've been chasing rainbows all this while.

At the end of the rainbow there's happiness,
And to find it often I've tried,
But my life is a race, just a wild goose chase,
And my dreams have all been denied.
Why have I always been a failure?
What can the reason be?
I wonder if the world's to blame,
I wonder if it could be me.
I'm always chasing rainbows,
Watching clouds drifting by,
My schemes are just like all my dreams,
Ending in the sky.
Some fellows look and find the sunshine,
I always look and find the rain.
Some fellows make a winning sometime,
But I never even make a gain, believe me,
I'm always chasing rainbows,
Waiting to find a little bluebird in vain.
I'm always chasing rainbows - Judy Garland

Listening to the rythm of the pouring rain

It's January and it's raining. I guess in the Nord that's the nearest thing to snow. I think they should change the tune to 'I dream of a wet Christmas' (as opposed to white Christmas, although wet sounds a little wee bit inappropriate. Well we're way beyond new year now anyways) to adapt to the local market here.

The second (or sixth, depends on how you see it, it's the final one anyways) semester has begun. For now, I would say that it's not too bad. I have longer breaks for lunch, that's a good thing. That means more will power is needed to get back to class after having lunch at home, and that may not be a good thing, but I believe it builds character, so that's good. I have less subjects, another good thing. Which means the subjects will have higher coefficients in order to meet the total of 30, which is not necessarily a good thing.

However, I still haven't got my exam results for the first semester,which really P me O. I mean, after working arduously(wow, no red underline for that word? so that is actually a word? I mean, I've heard it before and I just thought of dropping it in the middle of the sentence for fun, never to expect that it actually exists and it to be correctly spelled) for the finals, I should have the rights to know how I did. But the university said that the results will only be announced in February to avoid misunderstandings when the juries decide who passes and who doesn't. Bloody bureaucracy.

Anyways, when I said I'm next, I meant I'm next. So it's not now. It's somewhere between now and whenever it may be.

The thousand dreams I dreamed, the splendid things I planned
I always built alas on weak and shifting sand.
I lived by night and shunned the naked light of the day
and only now I see how the years ran away.
Yesterday when I was young - Charles Aznavour

2 down.

I got an SMS from my mom today.
It was a breaking news.
At first I was surprised.
Then, I laughed because I thought it was funny.
After that I got curious and felt like I needed to know more about it.
Then it came to me:

Oh shit. I'm next!

They'd say they'll love you with all the rest of their lies

If only...

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Penantian hanyalah waktu
Ceritera Cinta